I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
