last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
