You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
