He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
