Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're too hungover to prance.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
