We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
