Umm I'm too high to move.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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