this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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