his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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