your thong is hanging out like whoa
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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