nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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