My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
