ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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