Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
