We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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