did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
