How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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