At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
