Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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