I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
