you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
