My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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