at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
not ubering you a puppy
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
