I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How drunk are you??
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.