I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm like, not good at living.