I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder