Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.