Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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