New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
