Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
