I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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