Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
