u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
