my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
