She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
