then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
