Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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