Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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