when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
