We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
