seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He did a backflip because drugs
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