I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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