You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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