Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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