I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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