There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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