Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
