I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
