This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
