I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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