If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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