I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
