I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize