Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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