He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
