he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Michael Bay diarrhea
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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