Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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