So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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