I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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