dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
