I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize