If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
