so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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