Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
