someone get that fucking seahorse.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have fence marks all over my body
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
