1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
