Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
