lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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