I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
