I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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